If I knew all the words

I have arthritis. This is no secret to anyone. I walk with a limp, I can barley hold my tooth brush and most days it takes me 15 minutes before I can physically get out of bed.

I work with arthritis advocates. People who have experienced everyday victories with their disease. A day when I’m not thinking about my pain is a victory for me.  I spend more time on the phone or going to doctors appointments than I really care for.

I tell myself to be strong, but some days I can’t tell if my arthritis is killing me or making me stronger. I hope it’s making me stronger. I hope this disease is strengthening my mind, my body and my fight. It has to be making me stronger.

Why else do we face adversity in our lives? I have to believe it’s making me stronger, otherwise what else do I have to hold on to…

We make choices ever day in our lives. Some days you make more than others. Some days they are big decisions, other days they are small. But every decision brings you to the exact point you are in your life. Looking forward decide what you want from this life.

To me, fearless is not the absence of fear. It’s not being completely unafraid.

To me, fearless is having fears.

Fearless is having doubts. Lots of them.

To me, fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death.

Fearless is falling madly in love again, even though you’ve been hurt before.

Fearless is getting back up and fighting for what you want over and over again… even though every time you’ve tried before, you’ve lost.

It’s fearless to have faith that someday things will change.

Fearless is having courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can’t breathe without them.

And when someone apologized to you enough times for things they will never stop doing, I think it’s fearless to stop believing them.

It’s fearless to say, “You’re NOT sorry”, and walk away.

I think loving someone despite what people think is fearless. I think allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is fearless.

Letting go is fearless.

Then, moving on and being alright… That’s fearless too.

But no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it.

You have to believe in love stories and prince charming and happily ever after.

Because Love is fearless.

I grew up in Lake Oswego, Oregon. When I was younger my parents sent me to summer camp. It was only a week long, but it was my favorite week of the year. YMCA Camp Silver Creek in Silverton, Oregon is one of the most magical places on earth.

Recently a friend told me, “Man, I’m not religious, but my heaven would be something pretty similar to Silver Creek.” I couldn’t agree more. It’s hard to talk to others about camp. It’s a shared experience with a certain group of people, whether we were there at the same, or not. We still have this bond that will never break.

I met some of the most influential people at camp. They helped shape my life as a young adult. I believe working at summer camp helped bring me out of my shell, it gave me confidence and the outlet to be silly.

I made at least one connection that has stuck with me for 12 years now. We’ve been through a lot together and both been there for one another through numerous events and changes in our lives and here we are 12 years later, living in the same city for the first time ever.

Through friends, relationships, Military school, family legal issues, joining the military, being diagnosed with arthritis, multiple tours in Iraq, being hospitalized for a fatal blood clot we’ve been through a lot together. 12 years later Nate and I find ourselves living 5 minutes from one another for the first time in our lives. This kid holds a pretty big place in my heart. No matter how far we are, we always seem to keep in touch. It may be a few months before we check in, but we always do.

Nate doesn’t know this, but he’s gotten me through a lot of things in my life. He’s had a pretty big impact on me.

To you Nathan Paul Smith- Thank you for always being there for me, and most of all supporting me. I can’t believe it’s been 12 years. But I’m so thankful to still have you in my life. Thank you for being an amazing friend.

Will you ever really know how brave you truly are?

This question is glaring at from inside the book, “ever wonder”. And it’s a valid question. I believe we go through our lives thinking we’ll brave when the time comes, but how often in our lives are we in a situation that causes us to dig deep for that kind of brave that strengthens your soul and allows you to look fear in the eye.

I hope I have the strength one day to see how truly brave I am.

“on one hand expectations can inspire you, but then again, they can really let you down.”

I am healthy.
I am happiness.
I am alive.
I am.

Anything after I am will only give you power if you believe it. For example, fulfillment doesn’t exist outside the body. You are who decides if you are fulfilled or not.

For years I’ve said I am sad. I am in pain. I am incomplete. And while none of those things are true unless I believe them to be, my resistance only brought more pain and lethargy.

I feel like a different person for the first time in years.

I’m not afraid to let go and live a little. I still have a long way in my journey to become healthy, but I’m feeling great so far.

My new proclaimed hobby is iphoneagraphy. I absolutely love taking pictures on my hipstamatic  iPhone app. I’ve always been a sucker for photography, but the cost of a 35mm camera, lens’, film and the cost to develop is ridiculous these days. Digital doesn’t always do it for me.

Before a dear friend of mine left for South Africa we spent an entire day roaming around Pike Place Market taking photos, her on her new digital camera, and me on my iPhone. It was inspiring. Check out some of the pictures I took throughout this post.

My point is, this is the new way to engage your customer to encourage them to become a brand ambassador. Create contests for people to post photos of them with your product or utilizing your service. Reach out to people on tumblr or folks blogging about your brand and feature their dedication as a loyal customer.

Tap into emotional intelligence of your customer. They like to feel special, or even famous. Just last week I snapped a photo of a huge car fire on i-5 right outside my office and tweeted it to the local news station and they asked permission to feature it on their “viewer slideshow”. I was so excited about it, I tweeted it, made a facebook post about it and posted it on my gchat status. This had the potential to reach over 1,000 people, imagine what this could do for a campaign for your brand.

Utilizing applications such as Hipstamatic, Instagram, Shake-it photo, photobooth and making a live photo stream or contest on your web page can be an inexpensive way to engage customers and promote your brand. Whether through posting on Twitter or Tumblr, facebook or blogging about it. The possibilities are endless.

It’s about taking your social media campaign a step farther. Engage your customer. They like feeling special, just like you and me.

iPhoneagraphers are the new tweeps.

Now, a montage to the Hipstamatic camera

I  could be an inspiring story. If only my pain didn’t consume me. I feel like I can barley come up for air to re-evaluate and get the strength I need to change  my outlook on my diagnosis.

I’m 24- I’ve had psoriatic arthritis since I was 18. Six years doesn’t seem like it’s that long. But it feels like an eternity.

My hair is falling out more lately. I know I won’t be bald or anything, but the chemo is getting to me more these days. I got out of the shower the other day and pulled out a clump of hair. I broke down.

I always wonder if I had a do-over at this whole arthritis thing… would I be braver?

I’ve never been much of a fan of New Years Eve Celebration. I haven’t had much good to celebrate in the past.

This year I rang in the new year with one of the most inspiring, kind and honest friend, Miss Jessica Nicole Lomelin. For the past year she’s been in Gulu, Uganda working for Invisible Children. She came back to the United States for 3 weeks. One of those weeks was spent with me. It couldn’t have been a better way to ring in the new year than with one person who knows me better than I know myself.

I had a rough time when Jessica left for Gulu last February. We had been pretty inseparable for the past two years and now to not see her for a year. I was a wreck to say the least.

This year hasn’t been my best, from a vast amount of health issues, moving, and realizing so much about friendships 2010 was a year of learning for me.

With the new year, brings a new Promotion at work.

Things I’m going to focus on in 2011:

• Myself
• My work
• Coaching
• Being Healthy
• Writing more

These are all vague “resolutions” if you may…. but working toward all will be a challenge, but it must be done.

I hope everyone has a spectacular new year in 2011.